we.kill.time

wekilltime @ 2008-06-15T23:27:00

2008-06-15T13:26:53Z

from my favourite author...

http://www.theage.com.au/news/books/into-a-liquid-ether/2008/06/12/1212863841619.html

wekilltime @ 2008-02-13T07:47:00

2008-02-12T20:59:23Z

i made the girl at coles' day by buying mi goreng. (pay day is tonight/tomorrow)

she made a comment about being a student, and i looked at zeph and was like well... and he told her i'm a teacher. she couldn't stop laughing.

i turned to leave and told her i was a food tech teacher.

this was seriously the highlight of my sunday.

anyways, strike is tomorrow. dinner at shakahari tonight. counting down the days til may. (ooohhhhh) and going back to pilates and the gym on friday. can't wait. determined to be able to swim more than 10 laps without stopping.

oh and does anyone have a copy of indesign??? i need to layout someone's art zine and i loveeeeee using indesign.

wekilltime @ 2008-02-08T18:26:00

2008-02-08T07:35:55Z

also. that wu tang kid told me that RZA had donated to hilary clinton's campaign. i just looked it up. he wasn't lying.

wekilltime @ 2008-02-04T21:40:00

2008-02-04T10:44:00Z

also....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ0Q04Azk0M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOtfcXW8fOw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VO_oe_kJMsY

america is fucked.

wekilltime @ 2008-02-04T21:36:00

2008-02-04T10:39:47Z

sooooooooooooooooooooo over it.

a public service announcement.

2008-02-01T09:14:31Z

also. 2 for $40 scoop neck tees from gen pants are great. cheap. easy to wash. basic colours. good cuts so they don't look too shitty.

but when you wear them to class, don't bend over. just cos you don't show annnnnnny cleavage when you're standing, doesn't mean the kids won't get to see that black lace bra and boobs when you lean over.

noone told me this at uni.

wekilltime @ 2008-02-01T19:44:00

2008-02-01T08:58:36Z

day whatever i'm up to.

exhausted. not into smses late at night from friends. like at 2.30am i don't need an sms unless its amazing. or at least funny. had 3 chais at a minor place on the way to work. my car floor will become a pile of upngo n paperchaicups.

can't find the kid i lent my humanities text book to. dealt with bitchy girls in period 3 who had shorts so short i could see their butts when they bent over. the maori girl with the hibiscus behind her ear turned out to love metal. the small year 9 class is a great group. one really loud boy dominates but he's kinda dopey, reckons you can't live without eating meat. wanted to know more about my natio. finally had the year 11s. most of the class are guys and they're so big. asked what kind of car i drove. will be interesting to see how it goes. they all just want to cook. my 7/8 history have kids from a mini 12years to 15yo. one kid has tourettes. one girl is a suck. two boys cracked cos i wouldn't let them listen to their ipods. i have no idea about ancient history (yawnnnnn) and have no idea about classes. oh well.

saturday a high school friend gets her cast off (she was in a car accident) and there's drinks at the long room which has a hair straightener in the toilets that drunken girls burn themselves with. i want to hide in the toilets and take photos. but i'm also meant to be at my amazing friend mark's going away drinks at robot bar. and i really want that apple mint cocktail again. either way, its a heels and dress saturday night and i'm looking forward to talking shit and not boring people with school stories. the high school girls always play stupid pick up games so if you're bored and not fussy, come down. the first girl to mack onto 3 guys has the other girls buy them drinks. apparently. i just want to see face burns.

wekilltime @ 2008-01-31T18:19:00

2008-01-31T07:22:22Z

day three:

year 10 boys choosing health and food tech just so they can be in my classes. argued about ipods in class with junior humanities. i have a work laptop. bottles of water are $1.50.

oh and most common questions: "what's your natio? (nasho)" "what's that on your arm?" "where am i meant to be?"

wekilltime @ 2008-01-30T17:37:00

2008-01-30T06:43:19Z

day two.

the start to this day was good. woke up zeph at 7 and after we drove like zombies with his bike and board in the back of the car, had an excellent breakfast on st georges at breakfast club. watched lots of dogs sniff each other's bums . for some reason whenever we get coffee / breakfast we just end up watching dogs and talking about how superior we are.

got to school on time after my half hour breakfast. sorted out a lot of stuff. i get my laptop tomorrow. met some year 7s. they are so tiny. and try to be so tough. so many bad fully sick haircuts. not really sure about what else i did but i felt busy so i must have been doing something. oh i emailed my mum back and forth with the Dept of Ed email address i now have. i also colour coded my folders and ate some almonds i found in the unit staffroom.

came home and was unable to open the door cos of bikes and music shit z had put there so he could get the speaker cabinet out.

currently setting up class wikis and stuff so i can send students off to puter lab to do work and i don't have to wait in line for the photocopier. how good is being seen as being innovative but really it just saves time/energy?

you do the math...

2008-01-29T05:31:15Z

day one.

i was sleepy when i got up and was sleepy all day.
for my efforts today i will be receiving 46127 ÷ 26.0893 ÷ 76 hrs an hour. apparently every day i will work 7.6 hrs. minus tax and paying back HECS which takes about $400 a fortnight. given that i used to earn like $400-$600 a fortnight this doesn't seem so bad.

the punish teacher has already tried to be friends with me. for fucks sake i don't want to end up being his only friend. he is new but 2 years out doing CRT. i really don't want to talk about my grad dip ed experiences fucktard.

free lunch included pasties so i broke my no pastry rule and ate 5 mini ones and went back and forth for sandwiches and sat at different tables so i didn't look like a freeloader. THIS IS WHAT YOUR TAXES ARE PAYING FOR.

made friends with the young teachers group (who are all girls which is weird given the staff is almost 1:1 girls:dudes) who seem nice, but are all into buying birkenstocks. some of them wear havianas to work, so at least i know i can get away with rotating my collection of Vans and jeans.

still don't know what i'm doing really. but that's okay. met the school nurse who turned out to be one of the ppl i trained back at CASA last year. its weird working with someone you've trained and now she's the one who will be helping out and training (in a way) me. its kinda cool.

oh and school technically doesn't start til thursday. but 2 kids came to school today in uniform at 8.30. suckerssssssssssss. and they didn't look like the stoners of brunswick high who did the same thing on curriculum days. ha.

wekilltime @ 2008-01-28T18:16:00

2008-01-28T07:23:29Z

a friend was asking for make out advice earlier today which got me thinking later about good sites with amusing advice and interesting (and accurate!) articles about the art of making out / sex and the like.

so i returned to an old favourite that i hadn't been to in ages, not since i was last into reading about and writing about sexuality and all its mysteries circa 4 years ago: www.nerve.com sure its like a heap of wanky NY hipsters talking about sex, but its good for random reading on mondays that feel like sundays. this was around the time that i was amazed by the intelligence of lux who does this blog now http://www.thatstrangegirl.com/ and used to have one of the most interesting and hot altporn sites. plus i've emailed her about working in sex education - she's a good ambassador for honest, thorough sex ed. anyways.

for example: sex advice from guys with moustaches http://www.nerve.com/regulars/sexadvicefrom/menwithmoustaches/printcopy.asp

they have a book of such things that i remember seeing in the room of a boy i slept with a few times. i like how things remind you of things that remind you of things. its like the circle of life or something. i will call this phenomenon the lion king phenomenon.

p.s. oh i'm lazy can someone give me the html for link cut thingos in a comment? ta

wekilltime @ 2008-01-28T14:38:00

2008-01-28T03:52:02Z

missing some friends like crazy. but did catch up with high school best friend. it was strange and there were so many little things that emphasised how different we were/are now, even though we could talk non-stop for hours. like her ordering coke and fries, while i ordered pinot gris and the vege antipasto plate. for some reason this seems super intensely symbolic. she is back from 8 months living and teaching in the UK, then going to NY and driving across the US. she didn't go see one band at all. nothing. so weird.

jacquie, zeph and i were going through old band websites the other day. found the plea of insanity one with photos from little gold street. classic. lots of big jeans and sports singlets. em jans' hair style has not changed in over 8 years. found jacs and my old zine distro site where i describe myself as someone who eats wayyy too much junk food. jacs had put katinka from zoolander as our main image as you enter the site, with manga looking orgasm girl faces next to the title bar which flashes fuck! every time you scroll over it. excellent web design for 2001.

still having money issues as always. have like $150 to last me a fortnight which includes driving to work and making lunches each day. it'd be okay if i was just at home, but school starts tomorrow. my new years resolution should definitely be to sort out my crap money record. esp so i can get that antipodium mini i tried on in fat. $239 away from my hands but lordisa it was great. esp after spending an hour talking to the guy working there about claude maus' unseen winter lookbook and some bag that i loved by some designer i hadn't heard of. sigh. i'm pathetic.

wekilltime @ 2008-01-16T21:18:00

2008-01-16T10:18:17Z

okay, last one but seriously amazing:

"I wanna go fucking shopping like every other bitch and get my pussy ate. I don't give a fuck. What do you mean, 'What do I wanna do?' I don't wanna do nothing! I wanna shop and look fly and fuck my man."
Remy Ma in XXL.

so good.

wekilltime @ 2008-01-15T11:15:00

2008-01-15T00:20:18Z

also,
http://www.theage.com.au/news/opinion/motherhood-is-a-womans-greatest-achievement-not/2008/01/14/1200159359402.html

and the fact that this is real, and isn't a fake is incredible. love the UDLs everywhere.
http://www.theage.com.au/news/national/parents-not-happy-son-not-repentant/2008/01/14/1200159362714.html
http://publish.vx.roo.com/heraldsun/videoplayer/?Channel=National+News&ClipId=1094_223967&bitrate=300&Format=wmp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS68tciABBA
http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,23052117-24218,00.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bc3dHgIrvIE

this is more for my benefit.

2008-01-15T00:12:38Z

friday: driving up to sydney. i am the greatest driver ever. got to see WMD. luke shouldn't talk between songs. saw lots of people. went to alison's bday drinks at some bar. got to see hailey before she got on her plane. gushed over JT again with her. zeph was drunk and intro'd me to eamon. went to oxford art factory. was underdressed and felt like a blob. did not have blonde hair. danced some. eventually went back to benny and mikes.

saturday: talking shit, saw benny at work. drove zeph and alison home to the blue mountains. saw some lads. zeph and i made pizza from scratch. excellent base. best time at his mum's place. the mountains is great and only took like 30mins to get there. want to explore lads (ha) and go to some restaurant next time. met up with anna. girl talks. rsl show was weird. hung out with luke finally. saw fattura. went to maggotsville. ari and i decided to drive home that night to get a start on the drive. missed the entry to motorway to hume. drove to wollongong. missed the exit to the hume. ended up on some fucking insane mountains at 3am and having to drive 20km on steep slopes. totally fucked up. both of us freaking out about gas. slept some. weird van noises. eventually got to the hume. 3km out of goulburn van fucks itself. overheated and won't start. decide to sleep and deal with in the morning.

sunday: wake up early. van won't start. coolant is fine. ari walks 2 hours to get petrol. we ring people and attempt to start it with petrol in the carby, cos gas is low and petrol switch hasn't gone through. need petrol in the system. police come by and aren't helpful. end up ringing up people to get credit card to join nrma to come save us. eventually it happens. i walk into goulburn and refuse offers to hitch. i am sunburnt and give up counting my steps at 739. hang at servo. ari comes in eventually with van on tow truck. tow guy was a champ. dump van at mechanics. eventually hook up bus ticket. have 8 hours to kill in bumfuck goulburn. spend it at the local pool watching bogans, checking out people's tattoos, charging phones in toilets, having long showers, and sleeping in the sun. went to the greatest cafe ever for dinner. full wine list and table service. but was like some weird massive cafe dining room/milk bar decor. had serviettes on the tables. soooo weird. good pizza though. went back to van and stole a trolley and put zeph's guitar case and our bags in it. walked with trolley and zeph's bike an hour to the servo again. sat for 2 hours freaking out til the bus came late. missed the fucking film. slept kinda. lots of euros.
clearly ari and i can handle anything now. sorta.

monday: got into melb at 7am. got home. slept. 11:30 research interview at uni. then picked up 16yo cousin from williamstown who is down for a dance scholarship summer school. went out to dinner with her. she rules. we both complained about fully sick bogan boys and friends who don't get our plans. and how teachers are weird. saw my other cousin and uncle. talked to my brother about his friends' "living the dream" website and group. (pretty much my bro and his friends drunk or with skanky looking girls in black g strings and white skirts)

tuesday: ortho, library and then sleep. will pick up zeph from the airport today.

rest of the week: appointments, interviews, school planning, trying not to spend money, then a fucking amazing saturday of shows. i am so broke but refuse to miss the shows. would centrelink give me an advance payment???

wekilltime @ 2008-01-11T10:32:00

2008-01-10T23:31:22Z

i'm going to sydney in an hour. wooooooo.

i would praise god if i believed in it.

wekilltime @ 2008-01-09T19:52:00

2008-01-09T08:57:34Z

i hate being a teacher already.

1. i've done a shit load of work and am not getting paid for it. and have $100 to live on for 2 weeks, unless a sweet sweet boy in sydney sells my skateboard for me.
2. i have to work mon-fri.
3. i can't afford to go to syd, can't scam a lift up, and only have like 3 weeks left of hols.
4. i want to move to sydney.
5. i ate half a tub of icecream with my raw vegan organic choc mousse with iron and omegas in it. that icecream cancelled out all my good eating habits this week.
6. everyone knows teachers are losers or pedos or both.
7. teachers wear gross clothes.
8. teachers have to deal with parents. parents are like at least 60% of the reason for why kids are fucked up. PARENTS. ew.

i'm really bummed i can't go to sydney. fuck the man or something.

hoping that eventually i will write a list of good reasons about being a teacher. but doubt it.

wekilltime @ 2008-01-08T11:44:00

2008-01-08T00:57:56Z

oh journal. i am broke til end of january and such a mood yo-yo. its kinda amusing. i've had my ego stroked twice in the last 24hours and i'm addicted. oh yes oh my. the hot boy at teh music counter at readings smiled at me post eye contact, and then later jumped to serve my friends at the counter while i rambled about something inane. but then i spotted a babushka fold out card thing in the window and went back in and he helped me and then gave it to me for free. i told him he was my hero. i didn't show him my tattoo, i think obsessions would creep people out. either way, oh so high school, natalie.

other days are spent doing nothing. watching bad tv. eating basic boring salads and being crap. i have no desire to hang out in big groups, but it was good to see will yesterday who will no doubt end up being my ever wise crisis counsellor this year. if he can master the aisles of officeworks he can do anything (cept eat vegies).

also saw into the wild y'day with sarah and georgia (hence the readings trip after) which was borderline ewwww cheesy romantic/crimethinc but not. thank fuck. i hate coming of age films where they have to sleep with a mysterious random half way through the film. the key character in this one didn't. good.

i was going to write about new years but it was too weird. went to 4 different "things" and felt both included and excluded at all of them. transient beings etc etc. or perhaps it was just my oversized white school-like shirt. crushed out majorly but was sober and tired and too hot and bored to do anything about it, plus turns out he's an old friend of one of my super close friends so i can lurk from afar.

also re-started two papers i want to write and publish by the end of 2008, but i have no discipline so who knows what will happen with those. i want my name to come up in google scholar. okay so that's not the only reason but it would be amusing if it did happen.

today is a raw food day, and i have organic vegan choc "mousse" to boost my essential fatty acids. how fucking gross and hippy do i sound?

wekilltime @ 2007-12-20T01:00:00

2007-12-19T14:01:25Z

i'm freaking the fuck out and don't want a job and all i want to do is have a proper d&m about it all with a friend, and its like there's noone i can talk to about it.

wekilltime @ 2007-12-19T14:56:00

2007-12-19T03:59:53Z

1. the car doesn't make a thumping noise anymore.

2. i got a job. i am the food tech teacher at thomastown sec college. why thomastown, you ask?? well...

- they offered me it
- the kids can call me by my first name
- i teach a good subject, years 7 to 11
- chopper reed grew up in thommo
- i have to hide my tattoos because there are kids at the school with vietnamese and maori gang tattoos, so they have a blanket rule to cover up on school grounds.

clearly this job is amusing, yet its kinda nice that i'll have 40 grand in my bank account a year. which is double the most i've ever received.

i have a big teacher diary. i want to vomit. growing up makes me ill.

part three of the mid december rant

2007-12-13T23:25:31Z

so somewhere after consuming that bottle and some sort of strawberry liquour jacquid had, i ended up on the grass in the garden for a bit. then talked with quid and zeph bout going to some gay bar for dancing and so on.

next thing i know its 1am i'm in bed, lying on top of the house phone. i had passed out, missed going out, and ended up spending most of the night chucking up potato and bile in the grass. charming. i hadn't drunk in ages so i think it hit me hard. couldn't sleep for ages because of my headache, but woke up at 8:30 this morning feeling normal. nighttime hangovers seem to work better. i rang fingers around 3am who was also nursing a vodka hangover and sounding crusty. it was good to hear his voice, even though there's a slight english twist to his words now. for some reason this made me sad, but i'm glad he's off adventuring.

today is going to be action day. cleaning the kitchen, cleaning my room, sorting out a mechanic to fix my car (finally!), stocking up on cheap goods for the next few weeks while i'm not working, re-writing my basic application from scratch, drinking shit loads of water (its weird, my complexion always looks good after vomiting, it evens out and you can see my freckles properly cos they're not hidden by red spots. weird) etc etc etc.

my dramatic stupidity is half amusing and half embarrassing. but somehow my bouncing between hyper happy and disasterously low seems to work for me. who knows.

wekilltime @ 2007-12-13T17:07:00

2007-12-13T06:18:48Z

thank god for de bertoli wine being cheap and half decent. have decided that being a house wife would only be good if 3 things (key selection criteria, if you like) were fulfilled:
1. the partner had a nice collection of decent wine n scotch that he didn't mind being pilfered every second day
2. unlimited credit card for cupcake crockery n other assorted dumb purchases
3. amazing marital sex (apparently women on oprah says that it does occur)

have decided that feeling sorry for myself cos i can't get a teaching job is okay.. plus i know that schools are stagnant and crap, as most of my friends can tell me.

have decided that feeling sorry for myself because my crush/exlover doesn't like me no more isn't really okay but its okay to get drunk on cheap wine and rant about him on msn. nothing bad (i'm not that kinda person) but just a general rant about our ummmm bond? in general. i'm not going to divulge all the crap parts about him - clearly i was into him for ages, if i start saying crap things about him i'm going to look stupid, not him. anyone who says crap about an exlover isn't doing because its true but because it makes them feel better.

and i can feel better with wine and that anthony bourdain book that makes me want to become a kitchen hand FOREVER and only sleep with soux chefs and never wait staff. plus bourdain loves the dead boys and i have dead boys lyrics on my computer monitor (sans computer). clearly i need to work in the food industry.

i remember singing that stupid toys r us song around the store when i had pink hair and an attitude (i'm too punk [punx0r] for knox) that went "i don't wanna grow up, don't wanna grow up". its floating around my head now. clearly jesus or my brain or something is giving me a sign. teachers are grown ups right??

anyways i should ring mark of the high paying job who likes a bottle of decent red to see if he wants to go dancing tonight. nights like this remind you that old friends know you the best, and know that you need to be dancing tonight.

p.s. brenton. fuck you. oh and can i come to your party?

p.s. i hate PCs and windows. i miss my powerbook.

wekilltime @ 2007-12-13T15:17:00

2007-12-13T04:26:48Z

I was in the shower yesterday after a really frustrating day of waiting for various phone calls, and being broke and bored. While washing my hair I decided that I would be happy if I got married and just stayed at home. Sure, I'm pretty psyched on kids in general, but after just feeling frustrated by schools not returning calls, interviews that go well but I don't have XYZ stupid qualification, putting up with centrelink bullshit and being grumpy from losing my new and perfect sunglasses, settling down to "home duties" seems like a good idea. (Hey Brenton if you're reading this I bet you're laughing at me, right?)

Stagnant schools are driving me nuts. It seems that 3 years of teaching sex ed, working in various schools, and being able to get a group of 40 kids to talk about their feelings and not bully anyone doesn't count for much. Nor do schools see that cultural studies and linguistics = an English major. Or that VELS kinda requires you to think interdisciplinary-ly (lovely English there). Job interviews are boring. You have to be a different person for each one. I keep getting amazing feedback about my applications and how well I interview or how I am/would be a fantastic teacher, but schools seem to take the safe way out and choose someone with a traditional background. Its demoralising.

And I guess I'm heart crushed that the job I really wanted, that seemed perfect etc etc. had to drop its vacant positions from 2 to 1 and gave the position to someone who had a cert 2 in catering rather than me with whatever experience. Its strange that the corporate sector relies on experience and diversity and so on and schools are just looking for someone with X subjects done at uni. Sigh.

I even applied for a job at a Catholic school that clearly stated I needed to be committed to a Catholic ethos.

If something doesn't come up by the end of January then I'm going to pave a career for myself as a kitchen hand til I save up enough money to go travelling. Seriously didn't think finding a job would suck so much.

wekilltime @ 2007-12-07T11:05:00

2007-12-07T00:16:37Z

hello internetzzz.

i just did my last ever sex ed workshop. this is a pretty sad occasion. but i'm now at uni checking email and my results - high marks only one is missing cos my tutor is slack. its kinda amusing though cos she paid me to mark her early childhood studies exams, but didn't get to finish marking our work. am also annoyed at that 79 H2A for lang in ed last semester. i could have done a clean run of H1s if i actually went to all the lang in ed classes. oh well.

my babushka on my arm is itchy as all hell. and i still haven't named it.

al and georgia's 21st today - and wooooooo eddy current playing a house show. and maybe SJN. and def uv race. going to be rad. missing link party on wed was good. love ooga boogas, but not the length of their sets.

got a call from a principal for a job that isn't advertised but looks pretty good. at kensington comm'y school. lots of school refusers and "disengaged, at risk" kids. lots of messy classes and no classes and so on, seems fun, plus not too far to get to. plus i just want my job sorted before january kicks in.

oh and daggy disco after the high school party was great. for the most part. seriously though 2mins of any song is ENOUGH!

la la la i have no idea why i am posting an entry.

hello internet world

2007-12-01T02:34:49Z

its weird not having a computer in my room.

i do things like read more books (kurt and lee talking about being writers, spirituality crossed with financial advice etc), and watch films (coming of age films about violent irish twins who almost have sex, john hughes films with kids that look like they go to click click), and go to art shows n count shoes with cori, and have a babushka on my arm, and search for places to go dancing that isn't dance remix stuff, AND eat out (new fave is journal canteen), and failing dares to be posi for a week and marvel over not having crushes.

you know... the things ANYONE would do if they weren't online all the time.

of course, most of my time is spent at work (psych or at uni marking Bach of Early Childhood Ed health exams) or trying to catch up on sleep or sending dirt smses overseas.

leo is coming down next weekend, tonight i go to a high school party (so weird), i'm going to sell my skateboard to go twds paying for my car to be fixed cos i can't get a loan, and i'm going to keep applying for schools. sigh.